Exton

In my room....

I'm not at all certain how to begin. I don't want to mess things up, but I need to know if Rain can deal with me as I am. I'm a vampire; I'm always going to be a vampire; I'm always going to need to feed on blood. Can she deal with what I have to do to get it?

"Raina..." I try, but I can't meet her eyes. "Raina, I'm no good at this. Let me see if I can spit it out somehow and then we can talk about it, okay?"

Her eyes are calm, almost too calm. "Okay...."

Not knowing what else to do, and unable to meet her gaze for more than a second, I begin to pace. "Look, you know what I am; you've known it from the day we met.

I'm a vampire, a killer. I have to drink blood to live, and I have to kill to get it.

Tonight I killed a pimp who was beating on one of his girls. No great loss, you'd say, and you'd be right. It doesn't bother me that I killed him. It doesn't bother me to kill people in general, and especially people like him.

But Raina" - I give her a quick look, there and gone in a second - "can you deal with it? I like you; I like you a lot; but if you can't accept me as I am, then there's no hope for us and I need to walk away before either of us gets hurt - or hurt more.

I'm always going to be a vampire, and that means I'm always going to be a killer. Can you deal with a lover, or even just a friend, when you know that, every night, I go out and kill someone?"

Still not able to meet her eyes, I turn away.

Vampires have no tears; it's one of those things we lose when we lose our humanity. But this ache inside... I haven't felt anything like this since the day my sister killed herself.

Raina lets her breath out slowly. In a halting voice, she says, “I don't have all the answers. All I know is I don't want you to walk away from me now...” Raina reaches for my hand, “Please Nicholas....”

I turn quickly, inhumanly quick, and pull her close, tight against my body. I let out the breath I wasn't aware I'd been holding. I can't talk now, lest my own voice betray me.