Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Raina sits up slowly, her head still aching but not as bad and her stomach felt fine. Empty and hungry but not rolling anymore. She remembered Guunnar talking to her and bringing her something for the headache. She reaches for the juice glass and its all but empty. She looks towards the window and notices the snow, falling lightly, the street lamps giving the white flakes a surreal glow.
I wonder where Nick is. Has he left? I cant blame him if he did. Have I ruined everything? Maybe he really would prefer to be with Gareth... or maybe Guunnar is right and I didnt see what I thought I saw. Or I misunderstood the whole thing. Best to find out now, if he will talk to me that is. I dont want to leave but I dont think I can stay and watch if he doesnt want me anymore...
The thought of leaving her brother, Star, Alise and the babies has Raina in tears again. She pulls on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, runs her fingers through her hair, wipes her eyes and steps out into the hallway. The tavern sounds quiet, too early for a big crowd.
Raina goes to Nicks door and hesitates, What if Gareth is still in there? I dont want to see him right now...
She puts her hands on the door, trying to get a sense of who is there. I can only feel one energy, overcome with sadness and remorse, it must be Gareth, but where is Nick?
She moves down the hall, knowing there are a couple of empty rooms at the end. She walks slowly and silently, and stops in front of one of the doors. She raises her hand to knock and starts to cry again, Please let him talk to me, please, I didnt mean to fuck it all up... She knocks on the door and hears Nicks voice telling her to come in. She takes a deep breath and opens the door.
The first thing she sees is Nick, standing near the window, arms crossed, watching the snow. He turns to see who has been knocking on his door and sees Raina. His first thought is how utterly miserable she looks. Between the crying and the drinking and now worry about what Nick will say, her face shows it all. Her green eyes are huge and full of pain, dark circles ringing them and her face is almost as pale as Nicks. The pain she is in is palpable and the intensity of it worries Nick.
As she speaks the tears flow freely. “I am so sorry if I misunderstood what is going on or if I accused you unfairly. I only went to look for you, I didnt know you had company. And the only thing I could think was that you never told me you were attracted to him. So I thought since you didnt tell me, you didnt want me to know and that meant you either didnt love me any more or never really did and I dont know what I will do if thats true. I've never loved anyone the way I do you. I dont want to leave, my brother is here and Alise...” her voice breaks and she sobs, “This is the only place thats felt like home and part of that is because of you too. Please just tell me what you want so I can figure this out...”
Nick just looks at her for a moment, stunned at the depth of her feelings, not only for him but the others she cares about. Stars words come back to him, “She feels and loves and hates more deeply than the rest of us.”
Moving across the room he pulls her into his arms, holding her close and shuts the door behind her. Raina wraps her arms around his neck and cries, “I was so scared, scared you didnt want me anymore....”